Do you know what to-day is?

...It's my anniversary. I have been married 7 years today. *...and the crowd goes wild*     
A whole host of things are on my mind but I'm just starting this blogging thing and I'm not so sure I'm ready to completely vomit on the page just yet. Suffice it to say, one of the things I'm thinking about is anniversaries..milestones.

There are certain events in life that we deem worth remembering. While there are some things "the world" typically commemorates, it's really a rather personal decision. People can choose (and have) to remember everything from the day they got their first new car, to when they got a divorce to how long they've been on a job to how long they've been cancer-free. Anniversaries are designed to help you remember something. A moment or an event you don't ever want to forget. As I was thinking back over my day 7 years ago--the season of life that many young girls dream of--I realized that there isn't a lot to remember. Not because getting married was bad--it wasn't.
                       I'm pretty blessed with my wonderfully, imperfect husband.
And not because it was horrific time--which it wasn't. I got through it with most friendships and all my sanity in tact. But because the season passed me like a blur. I was so incredibly determined to git 'er done, to check off one more thing on my life "to-do" list, to make sure everyone ELSE in my life was ok that I didn't allow myself to enjoy it.

I didn't get to really soak in how cool it was for so many of the people I loved to be in the same room at the same time. That alone is shout-worthy because being a child of divorce I've lived all my life with half the people I loved living thousands of miles away. I didn't get to spend time with my new family and have memories of experiencing the celebration with them. Not realizing in a few short years several of them would be gone. I let stupid stuff talk me out of enjoying the moment.  I just kept it pushing. I was calm though. Things got done though. I made it through though. And then on to the next...

My life has been one long series of "on to the next" experiences. Never really being able to sit in a moment and enjoy it for what it is because as soon as I "attain" one thing on my list I'm looking for the next one.  What a pathetic way to live. Yet I can honestly say I do not know how to live any other way. I have some other things on my list--giving birth to my own children, owning a home, a whole host of things to accomplish in ministry and career--but having an on-to-the-next mentality makes me wonder if I really want those things at all or if they are just pieces of this picture perfect puzzle that I've been trying to make my life become.

I don't know.

I do know though that I don't want to continue to have anniversaries pass--birthdays, wedding anniversaries, job anniversaries etc--without me even remenbering what the journey was like along the way. So I guess this blog is one of the ways I'm gonna try to do that. I'm going to force myself at least weekly to sit and think about what has "my full attention" and share a little bit of it with you. In hopes that I'll pay a little more attention to the little things that happen along the way that create the memories worth commemorating.

This is pretty scary, but it's necessary. I don't know what I'll say or what it'll become. My punctuation and grammar at times will be horrible and I can't guarantee that my writing will have any eloquence and poetry to it. Hopefully we'll work up to that. lol For now, I will try to be consistent and honest in increasing measures. I will try to be as honest as I can stomach and as authentically me as I know how to be.
Walk with me if you dare.

Now on to the next...